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Last Updated: Oct 29, 2008 - 11:04:25 AM |
They say people aren't dressing up to fly anymore--and it's probably the same reason they aren't dressing up for work: the treatment you get doesn't deserve it.
Still most companies have dress codes which you find out about when you transgress them. These codes usually appeal to "common sense" and "good taste" even from companies that make you wear sun visors indoors, headsets to answer the company phone while doing another job and buttons advertising Kwell shampoo at your collarbone.
Memos usually begin banning jeans, shorts, cutoffs (who remember cutoffs?),T-shirts, tank tops, undershirts (aka "wife beaters") sweat pants and workout clothes (read: Lycra and Spandex), tennis shoes, boots and sandals.
Then the memos segue into their Sex and Alternate Lifestyle section and ban miniskirts, bare midriffs, "excessively low-cut or revealing clothing," clothing that has "holes, tears and a ragged appearance" or that is "obviously ill-fitting," leather jackets, sunglasses, "special colors" and "club insignia" (they do not mean drum and bugle corps) and hats, bandanas and "distracting" headgear.
Next the memos add their updated-since-1999 codicil which bans visible underwear (thongs), low risers, tattoos, inappropriate jewelry and "extreme hair colors and styles" fearing an employee corps of Amy Winehouses.
But of course there are plenty of loopholes
Would the see through, tissue weight halter dress from Urban Outfitters be considered "excessively low-cut or revealing clothing", "obviously ill-fitting" or "underwear"?
Is a tube top a "tank top" or a "bare midriff"?
Are crinkle cotton gauchos with a draw string "workout clothes" or "shorts"?
Are flip flops with plastic flowers sandals?
Under what category would an axle-grease-covered blue-jeans jacket be banned from a boyfriend who said he was coming right back and you're still waiting?
At what point does a thick do-rag become a bandana?
And what about leg wear?
The 1980s comedian Joan Rivers used to say you know it's going to be a bad day when you crack open an egg and find pantyhose in your skillet.
Companies have stopped selling pantyhose in egg shaped containers--and stopped selling them at all for that matter--but women have retained their antipathy toward them.
They hate the "dance" you have to go through to get them on, the fact that regardless of your body weight they make you feel fat and that they sag and constrict at the same time.
Women also hate their lack of ventilation in summer, lack of warmth in winter, their texture, feel, lack of durability, price (see: we can send a man to the moon but can't make run-free pantyhose) and the fact that you can't throw them into the washer like sweater tights.
Nor did women ever wear pantyhose under pants--the sexist, "visible panty line" ad campaign notwithstanding. Why would you dress your legs twice?
Which bring us to leggings which are usually left out of dress code memos because they are written by men who see women's clothing as analogous to their own (slacks, shirts, dress, drawers.)
Do cotton leggings get busted under the sweat pants or underwear provision?
Will shiny leggings get busted under workout clothes or "special colors"?
(Or "obviously ill- fitting" if they are real tight?)
Since Crocs, also known as clown shoes aren't strictly sandals would they be called "clothing that has holes"? Or are their neon orange and pink hues "special colors"?
Would high water chinos be banned as "jeans" or "shorts"?
Couldn't a T-shirt be a simple cotton shell if it didn't have writing (or glitter) on it?
Why is the T-shirt your boss gave you that says We're The Team exempted from the rules? Along with the company sun visor?
Of course, Fridays are still the day when wayward braids tumble down from buns, sockless feet hide out under cubes and Under Armour logos appear in a collective expression of Soviet style they-pretend-to-pay-us-and-we-pretend-to-dress sentiment.
Some employees are just starting their weekend early, of course. But others are going to the airport.
© 2004-2008 by foodconsumer.org unless otherwise specified
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