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||Last Updated: Apr 20, 2011 - 9:38:09 AM
It is really easy to pick on Jessica Simpson.
Like Britney Spears, her Halloween-costume grade hair extensions and brown eyes just emphasize how dark--and short--her real hair is. (She has her own hair extension line?)
Her father/manager (third characterization anyone?) dad, the exminister Joe Simpson, makes Maria Sharapova's dad--who mimes for the tennis star to eat a banana, courtside--look like Jack White. Or Phil Donahue.
And she has a hard time staying at her correct weight.
Six months ago when Simpson was first dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo she was photographed sporting a short-sleeved red T-shirt over a white undershirt and widening underbelly that read Real Girls Eat Meat.
At the time--when she was being vilified as Yoko Romo for derailing Romo's career--it was thought to be a zing to Romo's former girlfriend, singer and high profile vegetarian Carrie Underwood.
Now it looks more like a cry for help. Or a threat.
In January, Simpson was filmed performing at a Chili Cookoff in Pembroke Pines, Florida impersonating the Republic Party's mascot. Which is not a donkey.
While everyone is used to seeing blimped out celebs, usually they go into hiding until the tabloids find them at suburban flea markets with double bacon cheeseburger grease dripping down their chin.
This time it looks like Simpson was hiding out with the chili. (Or paid in it.)
Since women usually get fat when they are unhappy--as opposed to men who quit eating when they are unhappy--many wondered if her relationship with Romo had soured.
But if she is happy and just eating for one and a half, maybe Romo is wondering how to make her less so.
Of course Simpson fans and many Hollywood beauties rushed to her defense. Why are we so body-centric, they asked, so anorexo-fascist when she is first and foremost an entertainer?
Bravo that she has enough self-esteem to accept her current looks!
But others say staying skinny is Simpson's job. If we want to look at midriff-y women with creeping metabolic syndrome and dimply shoulders we can look at our sisters, roommates and in the mirror!
The reason Simpson is in the movies, on YouTube and making millions while we only have what's left of this week's paycheck, say critics, is because she weights 103--or used to--and we don't.
And beside, who brought up what Simpson eats anyway?
Of course it's hard to be sympathetic to Simpson's audition to be Daisy Duke's fat aunt when the diet advice book Skinny Bitch has been on the New York Times Bestseller List as long as Simpson's tunes have been on Billboard.
And its devotees starred as Superbowl's unofficial halftime entertainment in a banned PETA ad.
Not only will you look like a hamburger if you eat hamburgers say Skinny Bitch authors Rory Freedman, a former Ford model agent and Kim Barnouin, a former model, it's bad karma to support cruelty to animals.
What would the authors say about Simpson's fur trimmed boots and jacket on her all you can eat Chili tour?
Maybe Simpson, who famously confused tuna with chicken on her MTV show Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica since the label said Chicken of the Sea, needs to throw out her red T shirt. Or change "eat" to "don't eat."
Unless she want to hear a lot of jokes about it's time for the fat lady to sing.
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